Finding A Way Freard
by Alice Janus
Summary: High school Frerard
1. Chapter 1

{{FRANK POV}}

The air was cool as Frank stepped outside. He took a deep breath, then smiled, into the night. Work had been stressful. Working as a waiter had to be one of the worst jobs anyone could have. And of course he was stuck with it.

Then again, back when Gerard was there, frank never had a single worry. Gerard was like a good luck charm. But ever since the day back in his middle school years when Gerard has left home, everything seemed to go wrong.

He had left without a word too. No goodbye, no reasoning, frank woke up and went to school one morning and Gerard wasn't there.

Frank hadn't seen his friend since. And not a day went by that he didn't regret ignoring Gerard's multiple texts and phone calls that night.

Everyone knew why Gerard left. He had accidentally killed his cousin, Elizabeth, by pushing her down the stairs. His parents tried to keep it hush hush but thanks to Mikey and Asher, everyone soon knew. Those two were shit at keeping their mouths closed.

The way they told the story, though, sometimes frank wondered if it was even true. Everything was so perfectly detailed, immaculately arranged. According to the rumors, Gerard and Eliza had been arguing over one thing or another, at the top of the steps, and he pushed her. It was too cliche.

And Gerard was a quiet, peaceful, nonviolent kid. He wouldn't have... But why would Mikey or Asher have a reason to lie? They didn't as far as Frank knew.

Frank walked with his hands deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched forward, watching the toes of his shiny black shoes as he walked.

He missed Gerard. They had been like brothers. Inseparable, closer than anything. Maybe even more like lovers.

Frank kicked a pebble, and watched it skittle across the sidewalk, click, click click click... Ping. It hit the drain and teetered for a moment. Then fell in. The sky was cloudy. The air smelled of rain. Frank stood still for a moment. There had been a night like this a long time ago, when he and Gerard were walking... Suddenly, he was painfully drawn back into the memory of he and Gerard's first and only date. If Gerard had stayed would there have been more dates? Would Gerard's scars have faded by now? Frank remembered that night...

He remembered kissing Gerard. He remembered sitting on a park bench. Unzipping Gerard's jacket. Gerard's protests. Gerard's arms, covered in razor blade kisses. Scars he had made himself.

And bruises. Gerard had stared at frank for a moment, then grabbed his jacket and ran, without another word.

That was the night Gerard left. He sent frank only one text, called him only once. Both to say one simple thing. "I love you Frankie."

Frank shook away the memories, and continued walking. He listened to his shoes on the sidewalk pavement, clicking softly. He walked with a scuff, always had.

I'll take the long way home, frank said, turning down the next street. His fingers reached up to his neck, the old leather pentagram that Gerard had given him. He never once took it off.

Nights like this he always got more lonely.

He started to wonder how it would be if Gerard was walking with him, and he smiled, and turned down an alley.

He looked up as he walked, finally, for the first time that night, really.

At the end of the alley, which was apparently a dead end, a young man was laying. He was too well dressed to be a homeless man, and Frank continued to approach him.

"Is someone back here?"

As he got closer, he saw that the man was bleeding profusely, from cuts all over his arms and his chest, neck... Someone had beat him up and left him for dead. Frank walked closer. Was the man even alive? Frank leaned down a little, trying to see the person's face. That nose. Those eyes.

Frank drew in a sharp breath, and dove to the ground, pulling the young man into his lap. "Holy fucking god, are you okay?" He cuddled the young man close. "What the fuck happened to you?" The young man shook his head, burrowing into Frank's lap. Frank gently ran his fingers through the man's hair, while he sobbed.

Eventually the young man's sobs ceased, trailing off in choking hiccups. "Wh-Why are you being n-nice to me," He sniffled into Frank's shirt, "I-im a s-stupid emo f-faggot..."

No you arent, Frank thought. "Only one of those is a bad thing, and it isn't even true." He said. Because I'm just like you... "Who did this to you?"

He got no reply. He sighed softly and held him tighter. After a long while, He finally asked quietly "Need an ambulance?"

The young man shook his head, and Frank brushed the hair off of his forehead. There was a long deep gash, open and bleeding. Frank gasped. Frank couldnt keep it in anymore.

"You sure, Gee?" Frank asked, softly. Gerard looked up at him, eyes full of pain, tears, bloodshot and red, but still beautiful and innocent.

Then he threw his arms around Frank's neck, new tears wetting his shirt. Frank hugged him tightly back, burying his head in Gerard's shoulder, though it smelled strongly of blood.

"I ain't never gonna leave you Gee." he said, nuzzling into Gerard's neck. "Never ever. We're gonna be okay. Ill never let them hurt you, I promise. You'll be okay." Gerard nodded, swallowing. Frank smiled bitterly, cursing the world for hurting someone so beautiful.

"I missed you Frankie." Gerard whispered.

{{GERARD POV}}

Gerard couldn't breathe.

His arm and his ribs hurt like nothing he had ever felt. His wrists stung from the bite of a razor and his head hurt, hung over dull pain from the night before.

Oh and he was trapped between the wall and an oncoming figure. In the dark, with his vision blurred as it was with tears, Gerard couldnt even tell if this fuzzy looking figure was a female or a male. His hangover made it no better.

Gerard cowered against the wall, silently praying to a god he didn't have any belief in, that this person would do less than kill him.

Three hours ago, at least, he had been chased into this alley by a group of church kids from his school and beaten senseless. He had lain here bleeding and crying since they left him, he supposed he might die.

"Faggot," they had called him. "Emo," they had taken a knife to his arm, slicing it in a million places till it was shredded to ribbons. But they hadn't cut too deep, he guessed he wouldn't bleed out, but he might die from lack of oxygen, he felt like his ribs were broken.

His mouth tasted of blood, from his busted lip and forehead, where he was sitting slumped against the wall, the blood was dripping in his mouth.

But it was something that tasted. He hadn't eaten in days. All his money had been going to help Mikey back home.

"Is there someone back here?" a male voice asked. Gerard whimpered. He heard the footsteps growing closer and he closed his eyes tight. He waited for the first blow to come. His cheeks felt tight from where the eyeliner and blood had dried.

"Holy fucking god, are you okay?" the voice asked, and someone pulled him close. He was stunned, why wasnt this person hurting him? "what the fuck happened to you?" the voice asked. Gerard shook his head, burrowing into the other man's lap.

The two sat in silence for a while, the kind stranger running his fingers through Gerard's hair, and Gerard shaking and sobbing in the strangers lap.

Finally Gerard's sobs lapsed into gaspy hiccups, and the other man hugged Gerard to his chest.

"Wh-Why are you being n-nice to me," Gerard sniffled into the stranger's shirt, "I-im a s-stupid emo f-faggot..."

The stranger hugged him tighter. "Only one of those is a bad thing, and it isn't even true." He said, quietly. "Who did this to you?"

Gerard couldn't reply, his throat hurt too much, as did the rest of him. The stranger sighed softly, and held him close. Gerard felt safe, something he hadn't felt in years, having left home and his brother behind when he turned thirteen, and running off to live on the streets.

It wasn't hard to find somewhere to sleep. It wasn't hard to find decent clothes, most of the time now, he slept at his friend Ceri's house, on her couch, and she never asked why he couldn't go home. Secretly he knew that she knew he was homeless, but it was like she respected him too much to say anything.

He kept a job, but that was only enough for food and clothes, two things that were priority. Gerard figured that he could always find somewhere to sleep, and people would sooner figure him out if he wore shabby clothes and looked starved. He was smarter than most people.

Or so he thought, but that was before he decided on the spur of the moment to take the short cut home from work, and he had wound up here.

Crying. Into a stranger's lap. A complete and utter stranger. Gerard didn't even know what the man looked like. In fact his eyes were tightly closed, mostly in fear due to the worry he had that he might open them and find himself insane, imagining the stranger's warm strong touch, or worse, might find himself dead.

He felt vaguely sorry for the stranger, whose nice soft shirt- was that silk? - was now soiled by tears, mascara, eyeliner, and blood. But he couldn't bring himself to leave the stranger's embrace.

It made him feel safer, having this man's arms around him. He had always favored a man's embrace. Many and many a night he had found solace and comfort, lost himself completely, in a man's arms. Sixty times a virgin, Ceri said. Sixty times and still as innocent as the day she met him.

Still childish enough to curl up in a strange man's arms and sob like this. A child, a helpless, loathsome, stupid child, was all he was. This man would eventually use him anyway, they all did. Gerard was always a one night stand. The next morning he would wake, they would wake, and with a look of disgust...

Whore. He scolded himself. This is all your fault. This man has better things to do than to console a crying 19 year old in an alley at one in the morning. Surely this man didn't really care. Surely he just felt pity.

"Do you need an ambulance?" The stranger asked softly, brushing the hair from Gerard's forehead, and Gerard heard a sharp intake of breath when the other man saw the scar. That was from the day he left home. Never seemed to heal right.

Broken beer bottle. Slammed against the kitchen counter. Shards of glass everywhere. Mikey crying. Mother screaming. And Elizabeth was dead.

Gerard sobbed even harder, suddenly unable to control himself at all. Lizzie... His baby cousin. Lizzie, what had she ever done?

Gerard remembered running. Lots of running. Days. Weeks. Bus rides, train tickets, subway cars. Sleeping under bridges. Selling himself for money once or twice during the winter when he needed to stay indoors.

And the keeper he had for a while back two Mays ago. Jack, was his name. Gerard snuggled into the stranger, remembering the night he had gotten lost. Jack had been good to him. Better than anyone else.

He had a roof over his head, food to eat... He had someone who wouldn't leave his side.

But everything good comes to an end. Just as the comfort of this stranger's arms would. And to the stranger's question, he shook his head. No, he didn't need an ambulance. He would handle the injuries himself. He always did.

They weren't too serious, he reassured himself, but with the pricking of the cuts all over his body, the scar on his forehead newly opened and dripping in his eyes... He couldn't seem to convince himself it was the truth.

The stranger nuzzled his head into Gerard's. "You sure Gee?" he asked, softly. Gerard's blood froze in his veins. He opened his eyes, and looked at the man holding him. The tears started to come faster and faster, and he threw his arms around the other boy's neck, clinging to him for dear life.

The younger boy hugged him back, and buried his head in Gerard's blood soaked shoulder.

"I ain't never gonna leave you Gee." he said, nuzzling into Gerard's neck. "Never ever. We're gonna be okay. Ill never let them hurt you, I promise. You'll be okay." Gerard nodded, swallowing.

"I missed you Frankie." He whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

{{ FRANK POV }}

Frank gazed at the older man's sleeping form on the couch, chest rising and falling gently.

He hadn't seen Gerard in years... And now, suddenly, he showed up in an alley which happened to be only a few miles from Frank's flat. Beat up and bleeding. Sobbing and scared. What happened to the young boy who had stood up to bullies? The one who had beat up a fifth grader to protect his brother? What had happened to the beautiful boy Gerard had been?

Why had he let Gerard stay away for so long without even looking for him? It didn't seem fair, now that Gerard was here, that all those years away from him were so empty. Long days of work, long nights of exhausted sleep, fancy parties...

Frank looked around his flat. His eyes narrowed at the silk and velvet drapes, he felt a pang at his heart when he saw the dirtied bloody fabric of Gerard's jeans against his leather shiny couch.

Something was wrong with this picture, so wrong he felt sick.

He should be in a shabby little apartment in New Jersey, or even a small house with a dog. He should be asleep right now, Frank thought. He shouldn't be on my couch. I left him. He left me. Frank walked over to stand beside the couch. He didn't want Gerard gone, he just wanted him whole and safe. Not beat up and bloody on a half stranger's upholstered couch.

Vaguely Frank heard the doorknob turning as his room-mate William came in, and he heard shuffling steps...

They stopped right beside the living room door. Frank could feel Will's eyes on his back.

"What the..." Will muttered, stepping into the room, shoes clicking on the wood floor. "Frank, who is this?" Will asked, voice strained. "And what in Manson's name happened to him?"

Frank put a finger to his lips, and gently led Will into the next room. "He's gonna be staying here for a while. His name is Gerard and I found him in an alley." Frank said. Will raised an eyebrow, eyes filled with unbelieving amusement.

"You really can't make a habit of picking up cute hobos and bringing them home with you." Will said, with a smile.

"No Will. This is THE Gerard." Frank said. Will's eyes filled with understanding.

"Oh!" he said, almost exhaling the word. "THE Gerard..." he glanced through the door way at the sleeping man. "Aw, he's cute..." he winked at Frank. "You've got good taste Frankie."

Frank blinked at him. "He's my friend." he said bluntly. Inside, he knew it was a lie, Gerard was so much more. But why should Will know that?

Will winked again. "Mmhm. Right. And I'm your room-mate." he gave a sloppy smile, and then walked back out the front door, closing it softly behind him.

"Fucking Will..." Frank muttered, watching the sleeping man for a few more seconds before he turned around and walked into the bedroom to go to sleep.

"Frank..." Gerard muttered. Frank turned around. Gerard's beautiful eyes were open, foggy with sleep and squinting at the light.

"Mhm?" Frank stepped back into the living room, to stand beside Gerard. He looked down at the older man, whose green-brown eyes were shiny now, despite their sleepy mist.

"Stay here with me..." Gerard murmured, grabbing Frank's hand and pulling him down on the couch. Frank curled up beside Gerard. His body fit perfectly with the older man's, like a puzzle.

"I thought you would never ask." Frank said, nuzzling into Gerard's blood scented bruise spattered neck. Nothing had ever felt more like home than this right here, laying with Gerard.

Gerard's breaths quickly became sleepy and slow, quiet and regular. Frank listened to his heartbeat, and let himself begin to dream of days to come. He started to wonder if this was too good to be true. Could Gerard really be here? Could he really be laying with Gerard?

Suddenly Gerard stirred again, and his eyes opened. Frank smiled at him, wishing his scars could just disappear. "You're pretty." Gerard said softly, voice gravelly from sleep.

Frank laughed softly. "What?" He asked, amused. His fingers, of their own accord, danced up and down Gerard's bare and blood-gritty arm.

"Youre so pretty, Frankie." Gerard muttered, rubbing his eyes with his grubby fists. It brought to Frank's mind a young boy, sleepy and small, as helpless as a kitten. Frank gently brushed a bit of gravel from Gerard's cheek, looking down away from the older boy's eyes. Suddenly he felt quite shy, and he was sure a reddish fever color was taking over his cheeks. At least Gerard couldnt see it in the dim light. No one had ever called him pretty before.

"You need a bath, Gee." Frank said distractedly, pulling away uncomfortably. He hugged himself gently, avoiding Gerard's direct gaze. "Go take a bath." He scooted away, to the edge of the couch.

Gerard shifted and sat up. "I'll go find the bathroom" He whispered, voice shaking. He sounded hurt, and Frank couldnt believe that he had been so rude and cold. He took a deep breath, and then he ran a hand through his hair. A tear had escaped the corner of his eye. He got up fromt the couch, and walked down the hall, following Gerard.

{{ GERARD POV }}

Gerard found himself being pulled rudley into conciousness by the lack of tiredness he felt. He shifted to look at Frank again, and his eyes opened. Frank smiled at him, eyes darkening as they always did when he was relaxed and happy. "You're pretty." Gerard said softly, voice gravelly from sleep. And indeed Frank was, prettier than any girl who Gerard had sold himself to, Prettier even then Ceri.

Frank's eyes especially, and his adorable smile. Yes, pretty was the word. Perfectly pretty, like a pale white flower. Gerard liked flowers. Flowers were sweet, and they smelled good. So did Frank.

Frank laughed softly. "What?" He asked, amused. Frank's long, delicate fingers danced up and down Gerard's bare and blood-gritty arm. It sent shivers up Gerard's spine. Why was Frank so irrisistable?

"Youre so pretty, Frankie." Gerard muttered, rubbing his eyes with his grubby fists. Frank gently brushed a bit of gravel from Gerard's cheek, looking down away from the older boy's eyes. Gerard didnt understand his sudden change in attitude. He felt Frank's body stiffen as he became uncomfortable.

"You need a bath, Gee." Frank said distractedly, pulling away. Gerard immediately felt lonely and cold, and he missed the comfort of Frank's arms. He missed the feeling of Frank breathing against him. Frank hugged himself gently, avoiding Gerard's direct gaze. "Go take a bath." He scooted away, to the edge of the couch. Gerard felt a pang at his heart. Take a bath? Frank was disgusted by him? That couldnt be!

Gerard shifted and sat up. "I'll go find the bathroom" He whispered, voice shaking. He stood up and walked down the hall, listening to his footsteps echo drearily on the tile floor. He opened the last door on the right, and stepped in. Shockingly, it was the bathroom. He stepped inside without another word.

Gerard started to undress, and he looked at himself in the mirror. He was a mess. All cut up and bloody, it was sort of revolting. How could Frank even recognize him?

As he turned the shower on, and waited for it to heat up, he heard footsteps approaching from the hall. Surely Frank was going to bed.

But then the door opened behind him, and the bathroom filled with cold air. "Im sorry Gee." Frank said softly, stepping up behind Gerard and nestling his chin in the crook of the older boy's neck. Gerard smiled, despite how awkward this probably should have been, what with him standing here completely naked and all. However he wasnt ashamed in front of Frank. He felt comfortable, like this was meant to be.

"Forgiven." Gerard replied, turning around and pulling Frank's face to his gently, pressing their lips together and wrapping his arms around Frank's neck.

Whatever was about to come, he was ready.


End file.
